Flair

While writing my book Back to the Bundu [ Paperback | Kindle | NOOK | iPad ] last year, I wrote three chapters which ended up not being used in the book.  This week I’m sharing these three stories here on my blog.  Here is the third story, “Flair”.

—–

In the 1999 movie Office Space, Jennifer Anniston plays a waitress who gets lectured by her manager about the buttons that all employees are required to wear on their uniforms as a way of self-expression. Her manager refers to these buttons as “flair.” Ever since seeing that movie, I like to use the term “flair” to refer to any form of personal expression, or it could be the buttons you wear on your restaurant uniform. It could be the jewelry you wear, or the funny slogans you prefer on your t-shirts. Or it could be something completely different you do to express who you are. For example, where you go, and what you do while you’re there, is all about personal expression. What you do and where you go is actually who you are. It’s your flair.

—–

The first time I missed the birthday of one of my children was one of the saddest days of my life. On the afternoon of December 29th, 2006, I got a phone call from my sister that my dad had had a heart attack. Only a few days before, my parents had been over at our house for Christmas, and we had no indication that anything was wrong with my father. Yet now he was in the back of an ambulance on the way to the hospital, with no pulse, the paramedics having told my mom before they drove away “It doesn’t look good…”

I had just arrived home about an hour or two earlier, having gone on a quick vacation with my wife and kids up California’s central coast, some 300 miles away. The prospect of immediately getting back in the car and driving another 500 miles, by myself, through the night, in the emotional state one experiences after hearing terrible news about a loved one, did not sound like a wise thing to do. So I put enough clothing in a small bag to last me two days, and I waited.

An hour later, the phone rang again. It was my sister. The paramedics had miraculously managed to get my dad’s heart started again. He was, as you’d expect, still in very serious condition in intensive care, but the prognosis was looking up. So I drank a bottle of wine and went to bed early, getting a much better night’s sleep than expected, no doubt due to my heavy self-prescribed dosage of that miracle of all-natural holistic medicine: fermented red grape juice. At about 5 a.m. the next morning, I started the long drive up to Reno.

It was an interesting drive. The night before, in a slightly drunken, emotionally delirious stupor, I thought a lot about my dad. And I knew that on the 8+ hour drive up there by myself to see him, I would have plenty more time to think about him. Since I like to listen to music on those long drives, I decided that the official song of the trip would be Wall of Voodoo’s “Me and My Dad,” a personal classic from their 1981 album Dark Continent, written and sung by my friend Stan Ridgway. It’s a revealing song about the relationship between a father and a son, and the parts about fishing trips and working on cars really resonated with me:

Me and my dad
We’ve got a good thing going
Fishing trips, the hard way’s the best
Man-to-man talks, when the going gets tough
The tough get going
Follow me, son
I’ll guide you the right way
Fix my car when the engine falls apart
Show me where the piston goes
Can you get this thing to start?

But a funny thing happened on the drive up to Reno. I played “Me and My Dad” several times on the car stereo, and it was great and all…but it did little to capture the emotions I was feeling. It was proof that music is emotional, but trying to predict which songs a person may or may not have an emotional connection to at any given time is pure folly. Although science, logic, and critical thinking are of tremendous value, especially in my life, sometimes you just can’t predict feelings.

Frustrated that my careful musical planning was all for naught, I turned off the music for a while and was alone with my thoughts, the only soundtrack to my emotional journey being the hum of the engine and the tires on Highway 395 as I sped north towards Reno at 75 miles per hour. But the emotions were too great, too uncomfortable, so I turned the iPod back on for some distraction. The album of choice, an old standby, was Communiqué by Dire Straits—mellow richness I had heard a thousand times before. It might not be the perfect antidote for my melancholy, but it was a worthy distraction nonetheless.

As the first song, “Once Upon a Time in the West,” came on, I got to thinking once again about my dad, and about the west—two subjects that were intertwined and experienced much overlap.

My dad was born in California, as was I, and he introduced me to many places in the west that were now amongst my favorite places in the world—from the stark beauty of the desert, to the rich drama of the Sierra Nevada Mountain range, through which I was driving on my way up north to see him. And about seven years prior to his heart attack, he had made an even greater commitment to the west, leaving cookie-cutter suburban southern California and moving to Reno, Nevada, buying a beautiful house on two and a half acres of pinion pine and sage brush in a rural part of town, further embracing the lifestyle and culture of the west. He had lived his dream, and then almost died. Fraught with emotion, I decided to back off a little and just try to enjoy the scenery along the drive and the music coming from my car stereo, when this lyric from “Once Upon a Time in the West” came over the speakers:

Even the hero gets a bullet in the chest.
Once upon a time in the west…

That lyric gave me goose bumps and sent shivers up my spine. And that song, which I had been listening to for nearly 30 years and enjoyed but had never before made an emotional connection with, instantly took on an entirely new meaning and became the premier track of my personal soundtrack of life—and death—in the west.

“But,” you ask, “I thought this story was supposed to be about the first time you missed the birthday of one of your children?” In fact, it is.

—–

My son was born on New Year’s Day. Leaving him on December 30th to drive up to see my dad in the hospital would mean that, even if I just stayed the planned two days, I would miss Andrew’s birthday. I apologized to him in advance. He was 13, about to turn 14. It was very emotional for me, but he seemed fine with it.

On the evening of December 31st, after a long day of ups and downs at the hospital, I set my alarm clock for a few minutes before midnight, and as December 31st, 2006 turned in to January 1st, 2007, as I watched the New Year’s fireworks display in downtown Reno out of the window in the spare bedroom of my parents’ house, I called Andrew and wished him a happy birthday, apologizing again. He was fine, having a party, opening presents, laughing with his friends, his sister, and his mom.

The phone call was over quickly, and I collapsed back into bed. Listening to the pounding of the firework show in downtown Reno echoing down the Washoe Valley, I tried unsuccessfully to drift back to sleep, thinking about sons and fathers, fathers and sons, and this poignant fairy tale of love and loss, of life and death, once upon a time in the west.

—–

The second time I missed the birthday of one of my children, it was totally my fault. But it was an accident.

My friend Geoff and his brother Greg had spent two decades hiking the John Muir Trail in pieces, and they had just two “sections” left to go. In the spring of 2008 they began making plans to hike one of the most spectacularly sublime—and by far the most heavily travelled—sections, the one between Tuolumne Meadows and Yosemite Valley in Yosemite National Park. And they asked me and my friend Mike if we wanted to join them.

We all looked at our calendars and decided on a time in July that worked best for us, and Geoff called the ranger station to reserve permits—not an easy thing to do for such a popular trail in peak season, but we had planned it so far in advance that there were still a few slots available. Excited to be backpacking such a classic section of such a classic trail, we pored over maps, organized equipment, read guidebooks, and talked about it for months. It was going to be quite the adventure.

About a month before we left, I looked at the calendar and my heart sunk. We had scheduled our trip so far in advance that I had not realized that it conflicted with my daughter’s 18th birthday. But at that point there was nothing I could do about it except apologize and hope she didn’t hate me for it.

On the second night of our hike along this section of the John Muir Trail, we made camp at a convenient flat spot sandwiched between the trail and a small stream—close enough to the stream to easily get water, and just far enough from the trail that we could neither see nor hear other hikers passing through. After agreeing on the spot, we each set up our tents and went about doing our own things before dinner. Mike almost immediately passed out in his tent. I got my gear organized and did some laundry. Geoff poured us some cocktails while Greg carefully engineered a roaring campfire. And in that golden time after a long, hard hike and before dinner and sleep, we sat around Greg’s masterful fire, sipped our cocktails, and talked about everything and nothing all at the same time.

Although we were not camping in an “official” campsite, people had obviously stayed at the site before. There were flat spots carefully groomed for the setting up of tents. A rock ring had been constructed to contain campfires. And rocks and logs had been placed strategically for use as seats around the fire.

As I sat on one of these makeshift lounge chairs, forgetting how uncomfortable it was just because it was so nice to get off of my weary feet after two days of lugging a heavy pack across Yosemite, I thought a lot about how beautiful the place was, and how lucky I was to be right there, right at that specific moment in time. But there was also a bit of sadness there, as I realized that it was my daughter’s 18th birthday that day, and she was for the first time in her life celebrating the passing of another year of her life without her father there to share it with her.

It was undoubtedly a much bigger deal for me than it was for her, and the circumstances were much different than when I had missed my son’s 14th birthday a year and a half earlier. And maybe those circumstances were exactly why I was feeling so guilty: missing a birthday because your dad had a heart attack and was in intensive care was entirely different from missing a birthday because you decided to go backpacking with your friends in one of the most pristine and beautiful places on the planet.

And then I looked down on the ground between my legs.

As I mentioned, even though we were in a remote spot in a beautiful wilderness, it was very obvious that this place had been heavily used by people before us. And when people camp, even the most strident environmentalists can leave behind small bits of waste. But what I saw on the ground beneath me really pissed me off. At least at first it did.

It was a piece of thin nylon cordage, black with tiny silver specks braided in it. It was about a foot, maybe closer to 18 inches long, and was covered with dirt and dust. The ends were cut roughly, and the thin pinkish core just barely showed through.

It was the kind of cordage that backpackers typically employ to strap items to the outside of their packs. Or it might possibly have been part of a bootlace that had broken. But whatever the source and original use, it upset me that such a large piece of trash had been either accidentally left or carelessly discarded by previous occupants of the campsite.

Then, in a flash of brilliance, I had an idea.

Of course I was going to take this piece of trash out with me. I couldn’t just leave it there, like someone else had. But to remember the wonderful trip and the beautiful location, and also to remind myself that it was my daughter’s 18th birthday, I fashioned a makeshift armband from the cordage and put it on my left wrist.

—–

My wife and I had many discussions about this custom piece of “flair” I created from a discarded piece of cordage found deep in the wilderness of Yosemite National Park. Over the years, it began to fray and assume odd shapes and contort, and, much like me, otherwise show its age. She encouraged me to spend just a tiny bit of money and buy a nicely designed, well-made, real armband. And I did just that on a trip we took together to Zion National Park in Utah in May of 2012. But that new leather armband from Zion didn’t replace the cheap nylon band on my left wrist; it instead went on my right wrist, a second piece of “flair” to further express myself. It was attached to my body for the same reason as the first piece: so that when I looked down at my wrists I would be reminded of special times, of special places, and of special people.

On February 14th, 2013, just two days before leaving for a three week adventure by myself in southern Africa, my wife gave me a Valentine’s Day present: a very stylish, nicely made leather armband with a metal clasp.

This became my “Botswana” armband, yet another piece of “flair” to remind me of special times, of special places, and of special people. It wasn’t from the place I was going; it wasn’t purchased from a local store, or made from a scrap I found lying on the ground. It was even placed on my wrist before leaving my home for my next adventure. But every time I look down at the Botswana “flair” on my wrist, it reminds not just of a place I’ve been, but of the places I can go, thanks to the love and support of a family that understands my desire to leave them, for a few days or a few weeks, to go a few hundred miles away or to the other side of the planet, to seek adventures in the wild; to express myself.

She didn’t say it at the time, but I knew that one of the reasons my wife gave me that nice armband before I left was so that I might finally feel compelled to get rid of my makeshift Yosemite armband that was getting uglier and more ragged with every passing day. And then, in a blinding flash of connectivity, it hit me. It was perfect. It all made sense.

I had created my first piece of “fair” while hiking on the John Muir Trail, a place that I had first heard about from my hiking companion John while trekking through Blyde River Canyon in South Africa. Now, 35 years later, I was returning to Africa, and I would be back in the bundu, just a few hundred miles from where it had all started. I decided to take my original piece of Yosemite “flair” with me down to Africa. I would be coming back home in a few weeks, but for the scrap of nylon cordage I had found in the dirt on my daughter’s 18th birthday, the trip to Africa would be just one way.

On March 2nd, 2013, while gathering stones to repair ruts in the dirt roads that crisscross the Tuli Wilderness in eastern Botswana, I found an old piece of metal with German writing on it that looked like it had come from some kind of radiator. It was a threaded cap, and attached to the center of that cap and bent at a 90 degree angle was a piece of copper tubing. I took this scrap of metal to an elevated section on the side of the road and shoved the tubing into the ground, the whole thing now sticking out of the red dirt like some sort of metallic German expressionist flower.

“Now every time we pass by this spot on the road,” Ash said, “we’ll think of you.”

Could there be a more perfect spot for me to leave my Yosemite “flair”?

As we were finishing up our road work in that area, I spotted a mopane tree on the edge of the road, cropped short by the ubiquitous elephants that inhabited the area. I stealthily moved over towards the tree, put my hands behind my back, and nonchalantly tried to remove my trusty old “flair.” But it wasn’t coming off easy. The sheathing of the nylon cordage had worn down and become rough, and it was sticking to itself. It had also twisted back upon itself, becoming almost knotted. Add to that the layers of sunscreen and insect repellant that had built up on the surface, and I could now see why my wife was persistent in her attempts to get me to abandon this small trinket of a memory. It was pretty nasty.

It finally came off, and just before jumping into the vehicle for the ride back to camp, I hung it on to a dead branch on the short mopane tree. And so it was that after a total of 1,706 days on my wrist, and a journey of more than ten thousand miles from the wilderness of Yosemite National Park in California all the way to the Tuli Wilderness of Botswana, this piece of “flair” and I finally parted ways.

Would this be the final resting place of this random piece of cordage? Or would someone else come along and adopt it like I had, and take it on new adventures? It hardly mattered, because I would never know.

And on the way back home, I bought two brand new custom pieces of “flair” in South Africa. It seems that as time goes on, I just need to express myself more and more…

The American Serengeti

While writing my book Back to the Bundu [ Paperback | Kindle | NOOK | iPad ] last year, I wrote three chapters which ended up not being used in the book.  This week I’m sharing these three stories here on my blog.  Here is the second story, “The American Serengeti”.

—–

When my daughter Amanda was young, I loved reading to her—especially at night, when she was lying in bed, exhausted after a long day of learning, playing, and exploring. There’s something so special about a small child, minutes away from sleep, listening intently to a fantastic story. I imagine that as the child slowly drifts off and starts to dream, that thin line between reality and imagination blurs, and all of the fantastic things happening in the story they just heard moments before become so real and seem so possible. It’s literally the stuff that dreams are made of.

While I eventually tired of reading many of those children’s stories and watching many of those children’s videos, there are a few good stories that still stand out. “Matilda,” by Roald Dahl, and Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas, for example, I never tire of. But the best story of them all was Dr. Seuss’s “The Lorax,” a thinly veiled modern fable about the damage that unchecked corporate greed can inflict on the natural environment.

At first, “The Lorax” wasn’t Amanda’s favorite story. It was just one among many wonderful books we read together. But, perhaps because of my deep personal environmental ethos, I liked reading it more frequently than the others. So we read that book countless times. Then I bought her the animated version, and we watched it until we practically wore out the VHS tape. Over time, she came to not just love the story, but to truly understand it. It wasn’t just about a cute, furry, imaginary creature; it was about respecting and protecting the earth, our home.

The unintentional brainwashing was complete. Through the unrelenting repetition of a classic children’s story, I had accidentally transformed Amanda into a passionate, life-long environmentalist.

—–

When Amanda graduated from community college, she transferred to a university in northern California, almost 500 miles away from home, for an Environmental Studies degree with an emphasis in Wildlife Management. She wanted to do something big before moving up there, and for a time was excited about doing some volunteer conservation work down in Costa Rica. Then she changed her mind and wanted to do something else. Then it was back to Costa Rica. Then again, something else.

She was running out of time to commit to a big trip. She often talked about someday wanting to go to Wyoming, and see the animals in Yellowstone National Park. So one day I asked her, “Instead of going to Costa Rica or whatever, do you just want to drive up to Wyoming with me and visit Yellowstone for a couple of weeks?”

Her response was an enthusiastic “Yes!”

Perhaps there was a little bit of selfishness in my proposal. I longed to go back to Africa, to once again track the wild animals there and to just experience the place. But with a child in college, for financial and time management reasons, I could not yet afford a trip back down to Africa. So I would settle for the next best thing: a trip to Yellowstone, the American Serengeti. Together we could share the landscape and wildlife of one of America’s last few truly wild places. It would be a great adventure—for her, and for me.

Of course, as a parent, I didn’t plan for this to be just a simple sightseeing trip. I had other motives.

Amanda lived a very comfortable life. She was surrounded by her beloved family and dogs, in the house where she had lived and the bedroom where she had comfortably slept for the last 19 years. Soon she would be away from her family, her dogs, her house, her room, her bed, and everything else she knew so well, experiencing sadness and loneliness and confusion and all of those other things that a child first experiences when they move away. Our Yellowstone trip would get her away from home for a couple of weeks, and I saw it as a way to sort of ease her in to her new life away from home, in the college dorms.

But there was more to it than that.

I wanted to teach her something about the world; I wanted her to get out and see animals in the wild, to intimately touch nature before she moved away to pursue her degree in Environmental Studies.

But there was even more to it than that.

This trip wouldn’t just be about the environment. It wouldn’t just be about the animals. It would also be about our relationship. My little girl was growing up, and moving away to go to college. She would definitely come back to visit, but she might never come back to live. So this trip would also be about spending good, quality time with my growing daughter.

It might be my last real chance.

—–

Yellowstone was the first National Park in America—and in the world. Sort of.

Yosemite Valley in California’s Sierra Nevada Mountains was inhabited by the Paiute, Sierra Miwok, and then the Ahwahneechee peoples before the arrival of the first white settlers in the early 1800s. The last of the Ahwahneechee were removed from Yosemite Valley as part of the Mariposa Wars in 1851.

Soon after the ethnic cleansing was completed, the valley was heavily promoted as a tourist destination. Worries over the impacts of tourism and commercialization on such a natural—and national—treasure resulted in the creation of the Yosemite grant, which was signed in 1864 by President Abraham Lincoln. Although protected at the national level, the land was immediately ceded to the State of California for administration as a state park.

Five hundred or so miles away from Yosemite, the Yellowstone area of northwest Wyoming is known for its abundance of both geothermal features and wildlife. The precedent set at Yosemite—the first instance of land being set aside to protect and conserve elements of the landscape and wildlife—led to the creation of Yellowstone National Park by President Ulysses S. Grant in 1872. But it was five years before even minimal resources were committed to the new park, and by 1886 unchecked poaching and other problems led to the stationing of the US Army in Yellowstone in order to defend the natural resources the park was originally established to protect.

Meanwhile, back in Yosemite, things weren’t going so well under state control. Sheep were allowed to graze in the meadows and were causing significant damage. And emblematic Giant Sequoia trees were being unscrupulously logged by commercial interests. Conservation denizen John Muir, who for a time worked in Yosemite Valley as a shepherd and even designed a sawmill there, became an outspoken advocate for conservation. Efforts by him and others resulted in the US Congress retaking federal control of the area and establishing Yosemite National Park in 1890. As had happened in Yellowstone, the US Army was called in to manage and protect the land in Yosemite. It was not until 1916 that the US government created the National Park Service, a new agency specifically mandated to manage Yosemite, Yellowstone, and other such lands that the government set aside for protection and for enjoyment by all.

Despite its wildness, Yellowstone is in fact an ecosystem heavily modified and impacted by human activities. Many buffalo carry the bacterial disease brucellosis, and all but a handful of the buffalo there are actually cross-breeds with domestic cattle—both of these problems introduced by the military which was sent to Yellowstone to protect the buffalo in the late 1800s. And by 1935, wolves had been completely eliminated from Yellowstone.

In 1990, the National Park Service took a bold step towards the re-wilding of Yellowstone with the reintroduction of wolves. The wolves have thrived in the Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem, keeping the population of elk and other large ungulates in check and returning the flora and fauna of the area to a more natural balance.

—–

Not too long ago, the Great Plains of central North America were a vast, wild grassland ecosystem, home to some of the largest populations of megafauna on earth. Of course, all that has changed over the last 200 years. Modern man arrived, dividing and conquering the land, first with the railroad, then with property lines, fences, and roads. The landscape, which was once a single, cohesive, integrated system, became subdivided and compartmentalized. Most of the compartments had no use for wild animals, who were then unnaturally forced to live their lives isolated in small areas—geographic cages; open-air zoos, if you will—as a curiosity and as entertainment for humans, the dominant, overbearing species who had put them in these virtual cages. The imaginary lines man drew across the Great Plains destroyed much of the wildness and naturalness of one of the world’s great ecosystems. But if you can imagine what this area looked like in its glory days, before being dissected and reshaped at the hands of man, there is only one other place that comes close to being similar: the great savannahs of Africa, best exemplified by the Serengeti.

The Serengeti ecosystem in northern Tanzania and southwestern Kenya is home to the largest terrestrial mammal migration on earth. The Serengeti is well known as one of the natural wonders of the world, and more than 80 percent of the land is protected. Using the Serengeti as a model, a dedicated team of researchers, scientists, and conservationists have set out with the goal to recreate the natural ecosystem of the Great Plains on more than 3 million acres in northeast Montana.

The term “American Serengeti” represents hope.

—–

Before Amanda and I left on our adventure through Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons, I looked back at a small diary I had kept from a family trip to Yellowstone National Park when I was nine or ten years old. I had carefully logged the wildlife I saw in Yellowstone, the American Serengeti:

5 Elk
13 Canadian Geese
3 Deer
2 Buffalo
I Dead Rat
2 Cranes, One Baby
1 Robin, Nest with Two Eggs
2 Chipmunks
Many Rabbits
4 Moose
1 Marmot
1 Dead Porcupine
Many Mallard Ducks
Many Gulls
Two Lizards
Just a few years later, half a world away in Kruger National Park in South Africa, I wrote the same sort of thing in my diary:

7 Giraffes
10 Warthogs
10 Hippopotami
2 Elephants
25 Baboons
5 Kudu
100’s of Impala
3 Cape Hunting Dogs
Clearly this was something in my blood, the tracking of animals in the wild. Then again, maybe it’s just part of the human condition?

—–

Amanda and I left southern California early one July morning, loaded down with kayaking, hiking, rock climbing, and other gear, and made it to Las Vegas in time for breakfast. A few hours later, we were at our first stop: Zion National Park in Utah.

Zion was hot. Really hot. The brilliant red sandstone cliffs seemed to be bleached pinkish from the blazing sun. So it was a cool respite to walk under the mist of nature’s swamp cooler, Weeping Rock. We lingered for a while at the small creek below, Amanda cooling her feet in the pool below a small waterfall while we spotted small fish swimming by. Later we walked down to the Virgin River, which flowed lazily through the canyon, its mightiness tempered by the midsummer heat. Of course Amanda had to wade out into it, which was to become a tradition on our trip almost every time we reached an appropriate body of water. We then drove through much of the rest of the park, visiting most of the common tourist sites, before settling in to our hotel in the town of Springdale, just outside the park gates. Between the drive, the scenery, and the heat, it had been a long, exhausting day. After dinner, Amanda quickly nodded off to sleep, while I sat on the balcony, reading a book, watching the sunset cast brilliant colors across the red sandstone cliffs, and drinking a little bit more than one glass of red wine.

The next day consisted of a lot of driving, through Utah and up in to Idaho where we would spend the night and be ready for our big adventure in Yellowstone to begin the next day. On the drive up, in those long, talkless spaces where the only sound you hear is the interplay between the car and the road, I thought a lot about the trip and how memorable I hoped it would be for Amanda. At one point, I started to think about “The Lorax.” It was probably the first time I fully realized the critically important role that little story had played on the development of this fantastic young woman sitting in the passenger seat next to me.

“Amanda,” I asked, “do you remember how you used to love to read and watch ‘The Lorax’?”

“No…oh wait…maybe…yes,” she said, the memories of something she had not thought about for a long time slowly coming back.

“Do you think that maybe you became interested in Environmental Studies because of that story?”

“Oh wow,” she said. “Maybe…”

—–

The morning of the third day, we drove for a couple hours up through Idaho and then into Montana before we entered the gates of Yellowstone National Park.

Our first stop was along the beautiful Madison River. We had just stopped to admire the magnificent landscape and take our fist photographs inside the park, when we noticed a small herd of elk feeding in the grass on the other side of the river. We were surprised to see wildlife so quickly, but it was to be the norm on this trip.

As we drove through vast landscapes charred by fire, we saw people stopped on the side of the road and stopped ourselves, just in time to see two frightened little bear cubs clamber up a tree, the mother quickly running across the road to protect them. These were the first of many bears we saw on the trip.

And then the buffalo started to appear: a lone buffalo here, two buffalo there; and then large herds of dozens and hundreds appearing on the wide open Wyoming plains. I’ll never forget the sight of a bison early in the morning, standing in a field, a heavy cloud of steam rising from its body. Or bison taking turns rolling in dusty patches of earth, taking “dirt baths”. Or a baby bison near Nez Perce Creek suckling from its mother. Or bison crossing the Lamar River.

One morning next to the Yellowstone River, the surface of the river covered in a low fog, my memory flashed back to fishing with my dad when we had visited Yellowstone so many years earlier. It was also a day where the Yellowstone River was shrouded in fog, and as my dad waded out into the river with his waders on, several elk crossed the river in front of him. I could almost see my dad out there, up to his waist in the cold water, casting his line out through the fog, waiting patiently for a hit as the elk splashed by.

Amanda and I saw countless wild animals on our trip. We were even lucky enough to see a wolf.

Driving along the main road, we noticed a large group of people parked at a pullout, all looking through spotting scopes in the same direction. We turned around and joined them, looking in the same direction, but we couldn’t see anything with the naked eye. A nice woman approached us and asked, “Would you like to look?”   We took turns looking through her spotting scope, and were delighted to see a grayish wolf, probably a mile or two away, trotting across the plain. We considered ourselves incredibly lucky to see a wolf in the wild, less than 20 years after their reintroduction in the Yellowstone ecosystem.

After only a couple of days in Yellowstone, I found myself driving with one eye on the road and the other eye constantly scanning the landscape for animals. Amanda was amazed at how easily I could spot wildlife. It all just came back to me. It was almost like being back in Africa.

American Serengeti, indeed.

—–

As much as our trip to Yellowstone was about animals, it was also about water. After all, I didn’t drive more than 1,000 miles with two bulky kayaks strapped to the roof of my car just to make an eco-hippy fashion statement.

Our first paddle was at Yellowstone Lake—a massive body of water. We unloaded the kayaks and walked down to the shoreline, and Amanda immediately noticed grizzly bear tracks on the beach right where we dropped the kayaks. She grabbed her bear spray from the car, and when I landed on a secluded beach a mile or two away she insisted on staying in the kayak on the water, fearful of being attacked and eaten by a grizzly. She eventually landed on the beach beside me, but still refused to leave the kayak.

We visited some of the volcanic and geothermal features, but Amanda didn’t seem too impressed. I got to once again see the Old Faithful Geyser erupt after a gap of 35 to 40 years. I was excited to share it with Amanda, but after we had waited for 45 minutes and we finally saw the geyser erupt, she exclaimed “That was IT?” She wasn’t going to be a geologist, obviously; animals were her thing. And in a way, I had to agree with her. There were much more spectacular things to see in Yellowstone than hot water shooting up out of a hole in the ground.

As we left Yellowstone, we made one last stop: to kayak on Lewis Lake. We paddled to the other side, landing right at the outlet of the lake, and found ourselves right in the middle of a geothermal feature. While not quite as spectacular as some of the larger geothermal areas that were well-developed tourist traps, this one was special because we had it all to ourselves.

—–

I remember visiting Yellowstone as a child and loving it. But I also remember that on the way out, we passed through Grand Teton National Park, almost as an afterthought, and I thought it was the most spectacular thing I had ever seen. What makes Grand Teton so stunning is the orientation of the mountains. Unlike typical mountains, the Tetons basically have no foothills—they just suddenly and dramatically jut straight up from the wide open plain. How grand.

As we drove in to the park, out in the distance we saw our first pronghorn antelope on the plains. Near the visitor center, we saw a single car pulled over to the side of the road, with a woman and her daughter standing next to it, peering off into the woods. We stopped to look ourselves and in the brush under a tree saw two moose—a mother and a baby.

On the long drive up the small road to go kayaking at Two Ocean Lake, expecting to see a lot of wildlife, we only saw a few deer. But once we put our kayaks in the water, we saw a man staring through his binoculars into the sky along the shore. We followed his gaze, and were rewarded with the sight of a majestic bald eagle.

We kayaked at Oxbow Bend on the Snake River, a sublimely beautiful scene, and easily one of the most recognizable spots in America. There we saw more bald eagles, several ospreys, and a family of river otters playing along the river bank. We also kayaked just a foot or two over the tops of the largest cutthroat trout I had ever seen. We moved in and out of many marshy twists and turns in the backwaters of the Snake River, looking for the moose that were supposed to live there. We watched a mother duck and her seven little chicks for quite some time, and were ready to give up on our quest for moose. Just then, we saw a flash of brown moving off behind a bush. “Bear!” one of us said, and we quickly kayaked closer to get a better look. As we approached, we realized it wasn’t a bear at all, but it was the moose we had come looking for.   Moments later, we realized it wasn’t just one moose, but two of them—a mother and baby, behind the bushes, eating leaves. We watched them from the safety of our floating platforms for more than half an hour before they moved on to greener pastures.

Another morning, as we walked around near the visitor’s center looking for a hidden clump of rocks hidden in the trees where we could climb, it started to rain. Just then we saw a helicopter fly overhead, evacuating an injured climber from a technical route high in the Tetons. We decided to skip the climbing that day and do some more kayaking instead. We kayaked at Jenny Lake, Jackson Lake, String Lake, and every place we could in the park, thus experiencing many beautiful places that people chained to their cars could never see.

—–

We saw many unexpected things on our adventure. But the biggest surprise of the trip didn’t happen in Zion, Yellowstone, or Grand Teton National Parks. It happened in town.

Amanda had to register for university classes while we were away, and our accommodations had no internet connection. So we spent half a day exploring the town of Jackson Hole and looking for a restaurant that had wifi, so that we could return the next morning and she could register for classes while we ate breakfast.

While driving in to Jackson Hole that morning, we had noticed an amazing stone building built into the side of the mountain. It was the National Museum of Wildlife Art.

We had no intention of stopping there. We had come to Wyoming to see real animals, not paintings of animals on the wall of a museum. But while wandering around town, we saw a number of signs advertising a special exhibit at the museum.

“Look!” Amanda said, pointing excitedly at one of the signs. “It’s the Lorax!”

The National Museum of Wildlife Art in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, had a special exhibit of Dr. Seuss’s original artwork for “The Lorax.”

What an incredible coincidence. Maybe we would have to drop by this museum after all…

—–

I had brought some wine with me on the trip, but also wanted to get a taste of what the local community had to offer. Wyoming not being known as a big viticulture area, I put away the wine for a few days and opted instead for beer. At a grocery store in Yellowstone, I purchased some fine microbrewed beers from Wyoming and Montana.

We all know what happens when kids move away to college. They explore their newfound freedoms. And for many college students, freedom and alcohol are synonymous.   A few days later, in our cabin in Grand Teton National Park, I decided it was time.

Amanda was lying on her bed in the cabin, reading. I opened a beer and without saying a word I handed it to her.

“What’s this????”

“It’s for you,” I said. “Drink it.”

“WHAT?!?!?!” she exclaimed, trying to hide her excitement.

“Listen,” I said, “you’re going off to college in a couple weeks. And I know what’s going to happen there…”

In my mind, I’d preferred that she had her first beer under my supervision.

She took a sip and made a face, nearly gagging.

“Does all beer taste like this?” she asked in disbelief.

“Well, this is a real nice beer, it’s very hoppy,” I explained. “You can get beer that’s not as hoppy, but it’s not very good.”

She continued to take small sips, and make faces. I read my book, pretending not to pay too much attention. Then I heard big gulping sounds as she quickly downed the entire beer.

“Did you just chug that whole thing?” I asked.

“Yeah. It tasted gross.”

About five minutes later, she stood up and tried to walk to the bathroom nonchalantly. She didn’t look drunk, but she looked…awkward. There was something very forced about her body language.

A few seconds later, I heard the sounds of her vomiting in the bathroom.

She stayed in there long enough that she never saw the huge grin on my face.

—–

On this trip with my teenage daughter through the America Serengeti, I was overcome by a flood of emotions and memories. Driving through one of the world’s last wild places and keeping a vigilant eye out for animals reminded me of my own teenage years, some thirty years prior, down in Africa, watching for animals while on safari in Kruger National Park.

As a teenager in Africa, I had the experience of a lifetime, but I always couldn’t wait to get back “home” to the United States. And although Amanda had had the experience of a lifetime on our trip to Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks, she also couldn’t wait to get back home. She had had an amazing two weeks, but it was time to see to rest of the family, including our two dogs. And it was time to get prepared for her big move up north. In a matter of days, she would be leaving us to start the next chapter of her life.

For me, I had hoped to instill in her a better appreciation for nature, and prepare her for her exciting new journey in life, away from the comforts of home, of mom and dad. The trip also rekindled my thirst for being out in the wild, tracking animals, breathing in the fresh air, touching the dirt, and bonding with nature. It wasn’t Africa, but it was the closest thing to it that I was going to find in the coterminous United States.

As we were about to turn onto our street, a few hundred feet from home after a journey of more than 3,000 miles over a period of two weeks, she said “I can’t wait to see the dogs!”

And then, “I just realized something…this is the longest I’ve ever been away from home!”

I tried not to smile.

The Great Escape

While writing my book Back to the Bundu [ Paperback | Kindle | NOOK | iPad ] last year, I wrote three chapters which ended up not being used in the book.  Over the next few days I’ll be sharing these three stories here on my blog.  Here is the first story, “The Great Escape”.

—–

Where does the time go? When we get caught up in the days, the hours, and the minutes, the years just seem to fly by. The seemingly endless cycle of school, work, and responsibilities—life—make us slaves to the grind. Each year seems to pass more quickly than the previous one. And then one day you wake up and many years have passed by in a blur.

That day for me wasn’t an actual day. A series of small events in various segments of my life merged and coagulated, bubbling to the surface to eventually form a big realization. And while my experience with a simple two-drawer metal filing cabinet could hardly be called “the last straw”, it was one of the many little experiences that collectively lifted me up off the couch and pulled me back to a life outside.

—–

In 1991, my boss and I were sharing a two-drawer filing cabinet. She used the top drawer for semi-important papers; I used the bottom drawer to store junk. It had a lock on it, but we never locked it. Nothing we kept in the cabinet was confidential or even really that important.

In 1992, we moved to a different building. In the process of moving the filing cabinet to our new location, it somehow became locked. And neither of us had the key. So I contacted our facilities department. After filling out the correct form and getting several signatures on it, including that of the vice president, it was put in to the work queue. And after a wait of several months, someone from facilities came over and looked at it.

“I can’t do anything with this,” the facilities employee said after examining our filing cabinet for a few minutes. “We need to call in a locksmith.”

Because a locksmith is not an employee, but a contractor, this required another form, and a whole new set of approval signatures, all the way up to—you guessed it—the vice president.

After a few months, the locksmith came. There was lots of jiggling of keys, and lots of banging around. After more than an hour of trying to open the lock, the locksmith gave up. Later that day, I was notified by our facilities department that nothing more could be done. The filing cabinet seemed to be destined to remain locked forever.

In 1995, we moved offices again, and I decided to give it another go. By this time the files hidden inside were useless garbage, but I just wanted to get this large anchor out of the hallway. Three years after the cabinet had been accidentally locked, you would think that someone would be motivated to get it open. However, my renewed attempts to resolve this ridiculous situation unfolded like watching a re-run of a bad sitcom. I filled out forms. I waited months for approval. Someone from facilities eventually came over. He couldn’t open it. He needed to call locksmith. The locksmith came. He couldn’t open it. And eventually, everyone gave up.

From 1996 until 2004, the cabinet packed with files became the thing in the hallway that the laser printer sat on. Countless staff came and went, never knowing the hidden secrets the “printer stand” held. Occasionally I’d play the part of the wise old manager, grabbing young workers in the hallway and telling them tall tales of vast secrets locked away forever in the impenetrable steel filing cabinet of doom, the cabinet that could not be opened by the facilities department or a locksmith or even the combined forces of all branches of the United States military. Few believed me; all thought I was crazy.

By 2005, the filing cabinet was still sitting in the hallway, and it had been well over a decade since human eyes had seen the files inside. By this time the contents had transformed from useless garbage to “I might be able to get some money for some of these antiques on eBay!”

Around this time, I hired a new administrative assistant. She could solve any problem thrown her way, so I decided to give her the ultimate challenge: open the filing cabinet.

She contacted the facilities department. It seemed that we had streamlined our processes significantly over the course of 10 years, I was told! But streamlining processes still meant filling out the same form, and getting the requisite signatures, all the way up to, yes, the vice president.

So after waiting a few months, the facilities guy came over again to look at the cabinet. And guess what? He couldn’t open it. He needed to call a locksmith.

The locksmith eventually came, and guess what? He couldn’t open it. But—baby steps of progress—the locksmith had successfully knocked the lock out of the cabinet! Still, the verdict was that the whole cabinet, files and all, needed to be transported over to the facilities department, as they needed to saw open the cabinet.

Transporting the cabinet over to the facilities department turned out to be an exciting new adventure in itself. It required a new form, and a new set of approvals, all the way up to the vice president; waiting for a month; and then being told that they could only transport empty filing cabinets, not cabinets loaded down with 100 pounds of files.

Yes.

That’s right.

They would be more than happy to move the cabinet over to their building and saw it open after I removed all of the files.

And that was when I finally lost it.

On, Friday, September 16th, 2005, more than 13 years after the cabinet became accidentally locked, I took matters in to my own hands. I took a 99-cent screwdriver out of my desk drawer, walked over to the disabled metal cabinet, and brutally and mercilessly attacked.

In less than thirty seconds, both drawers were easily pried open and I was taking a cruise down memory lane. 5 1/4 inch floppy disks! Magnetic backup tapes! Drafts of things I was writing back in in 1992! What a trip. It was almost enough to make me forget that in half a minute with a 99-cent screwdriver I had accomplished what a team of facilities management professionals could not accomplish in more than 13 years.

As I said, the infamous filing cabinet incident itself was not what made me snap. It’s more of a symptom of the underlying disease; it’s just one great example of the hundreds of little things that together made me reevaluate my priorities. Stressors like this accumulate and take a toll on one’s mental and physical health. So I began to make some much-needed changes in my life.

—–

Modern society presents a paradox: thanks in large part to advances in technology, we are more connected than ever before, but at the same time we are less connected than ever before. When most people discuss losing this “connection,” they are talking about the connection between people. But there is something equally important, yet far less frequently discussed: losing the connection between people and nature.

Looking back at my childhood, I loved to dig holes. Any excuse would do, but an excuse wasn’t even necessary.

I remember setting a grand plan for myself one summer vacation in third or fourth grade: I would dig a hole to China. My imagination ran wild with visions of breaking through on the other side of the world, and being greeted enthusiastically by people wearing funny hats and holding chopsticks.

Of course, I never made it to China. I gave up after the hole was about four feet deep. And if I had in fact managed to do the impossible and break through the other side of the earth, ironically I would not have found myself standing next to the Great Wall of China; my exit point would in fact have been much closer to southern Africa, where my family moved just a few years later.

When my son Andrew was about the same age as I was when I mounted my failed subterranean expedition to China, he asked me if he could dig some holes in the back yard of the house. But there was a problem: I quickly realized that in the entire front and back yard we had so carefully planned and designed, there was no place left to dig a simple hole. All surfaces were covered with concrete, bricks, grass, and various plants. Sadly, my quest for the perfect yard had denied my son one of the basic joys of childhood: placing a shovel against bare dirt. There was no place left to just be a kid.

Eventually, winter came, and my tomato garden went fallow for the season, providing Andrew with a small patch of raw earth where he could be a kid and play in the dirt. He was happy, and I was relieved that I could let him dig like a kid without compromising my precious landscaped garden.

—–

The world around us is a complex place, and one way we manage that complexity is through a process of abstraction. In its purest sense, abstraction is a reduction of detail down to the bare essentials we still need in order to understand. Abstraction helps us to simplify things, letting us focus on the information that’s most important for the task at hand without sacrificing—and often even improving—comprehension. Removing extraneous elements helps us to cope with complexity. Think of a short story told to teach an important lesson; a simple diagram drawn to explain a complex system; or an elegant map created to demystify confusing geography.

Of course, the down side of abstraction is that the more levels of abstraction you place on top of something, the more you are removed from the actual thing. Think of it in terms of an airplane flying over a landscape. The closer you are to the ground—the closer you are to reality—the more detail you can see. As the airplane gradually moves higher, you get very different views of the landscape. You see different things when you can see the “big picture,” but as your altitude increases you lose more and more detail. It’s the paradox of abstraction.

My long fascination with the natural environment reached somewhat of a pinnacle back in the mid to late 1980s in the East Mojave Desert while doing field research for my masters’ degree in environmental studies. My thesis topic was studying the impacts on desert vegetation from human intrusion in the form of linear corridors (such as dirt and paved roadways, underground pipelines, and electric transmission lines). Unfortunately, graduating on my somewhat unrealistic self-imposed timeline required that my field work be done mostly in the summer. Through the generous help of my friends Mike and Marc, my cousin Jeff, and of course my wife Ruth, I was able to complete all of the field work in time to finish my thesis and graduate on time, and all it cost me was money for gas, more money for Gatorade, and a few meals of greasy burgers at the famous Bun Boy in the nearby town of Baker.

After our daily tedium of setting up transects in various locations and measuring and counting creosote, saltbush, and other plants, we traveled widely within the boundaries of what was then called the East Mojave National Scenic Area, trying to make our time out in the blast furnace of the Mojave in the middle of summer more interesting. We examined ancient Native American petroglyphs etched in the boulders thousands of years ago, explored washes and canyons and the nearby Granite Mountains, walked through a huge Joshua tree forest more densely vegetated than anything that Joshua Tree National Park had to offer, and imagined an earlier California at the old Kelso railway depot. But no matter what we were doing—scientific field work or wandering around like tourists—it was just good to be out there, in the desert dirt, touching nature.

Then life got complicated.

Successful completion of my masters’ degree quickly led to a full-time job as an environmental scientist. At first, there was some field work involved, which I enjoyed greatly. Over time, as my skills at project management and report writing evolved, the opportunities for hands-on work in the field evaporated like a puddle of water in the intense Mojave heat. It was interesting, important work, but it was a level of abstraction away from actually touching—and knowing—the world.

There were many highlights to the job: traveling around the country assessing the environmental impact of operating large incinerators that would be built to destroy the chemical weapons stockpiles left over from the World War II and the Cold War; using cutting-edge computer models to calculate the noise and air pollution impacts from new highway projects across the US and new airport projects across the globe; leading my first projects for NASA/JPL’s Goldstone Deep Space Communications Complex, where I got to land and take off in a NASA plane on the runway at Edwards Air Force Base where the Space Shuttle used to land—the closest I ever got to fly on the Space Shuttle; and figuring out a way to do a complete, accurate environmental analysis of a top secret, experimental government nuclear test facility without the benefit of a top secret clearance.

My life took on another level of abstraction or two when I left that job and went to work for a software company, helping to market the tools people use to manage and conserve the environment. I rationalized this move up the ladder of abstraction by asking—and answering—the following question:

Is it better to have 100% hand in managing and conserving the environment at an incredibly small and local scale, or a 1% hand in managing and conserving the environment at a massive, possibly global scale?

It’s a philosophical question. One is not necessarily better than the other. We need both local action and global action, and everything in between. I opted to try the 1% hand in global problem solving.

As my career advanced over the ensuing 20 years, I climbed both the corporate ladder, and the ladder of abstraction. I became a bit player in helping people understand and solve problems on the global stage, which is certainly something to be proud of. But I had lost touch with the dirt I had been so intimate with during my thesis research in the Mojave Desert, the dirt I had trampled beneath my feet over countless hikes son three different continents, and the dirt I had shoveled so intently while trying to dig that hole to China. How had everything gone so wrong?

I was making a comfortable living and providing for my family, but had completely lost touch with the down and dirty details of the natural world I was trying so hard to protect.

It was time to unclog my mental arteries. I needed to cut through all the layers of abstraction and bullshit that had built up over the years and return to an experience that was as direct as possible.

It was time to get my life back. It was time to get back outside.

A Day in Polokwane Game Reserve, South Africa

This story is an excerpt from Back to the Bundu, the book I wrote about my trip to Botswana last year [ Paperback | Kindle | NOOK | iPad ].  You can also view my Flickr gallery of photographs from this adventure.

—–

I was dying to get to Botswana, to help out with the conservation research work being done in the Tuli Wilderness, and even more so to just immerse myself once again in the African landscape and lifestyle. But to get there I first had to go through South Africa, my old stomping ground.

On the way to Botswana, I had to make an overnight stop in the town of Polokwane, South Africa to wait for my ride. I decided to add an extra day or two there, to see a little bit of a part of South Africa that I had never seen before—and to experience an Africa completely different than the Africa I would be getting in the Tuli Wilderness.

There were only three flights a day from Johannesburg to Polokwane, the first arriving at about 11 a.m. and the last arriving at about 5 p.m. Since my ride up to Botswana was picking me up at the airport at 6 a.m. on Wednesday morning, this meant I had to arrive in Polokwane on Tuesday and spend one night there.

After thinking about it, I decided to arrive in Polokwane on Monday afternoon, and spend two nights there before departing for Botswana. This would give me time to rest, relax, acclimatize, and adjust to the time change.

Rest. Relax. Adjust. It was a great idea. Then I started looking at a map.

Only a few miles away from my hotel was the Polokwane Game Reserve. Sandwiched between almost every kind of development imaginable, it was a wild island in the midst of modern chaos, like a jewel of nature carved out of the suburban jungle.

I made reservations to take a guided safari tour there on Tuesday. Polokwane Game Reserve versus the Tuli Wilderness would be the ultimate contrast, and my return to Africa would be a tale of two game reserves: one fenced, one free; one managed, one wild; one mostly modern, one almost primeval; Polokwane versus Tuli.

Walking across the tarmac and into the Polokwane Airport, I was instantly struck with how modern, clean, well designed, and just plain nice the facility was. I could have been standing in almost any small, ultra-modern airport in the world. Driving out of the airport towards my hotel, I was immediately reminded that I was in Africa. There were numerous haphazard wooden shacks set up on the side of the road—some even in the center divider—selling food. Surrounded by stacks of firewood, many were cooking potjie, a South African stew, in cast iron pots over open fires, the thick smoke rising from the fires. They were selling cheap, ready-made meals to the working poor. This was the Polokwane fast food district.

A lot had changed in my 35 year absence from southern Africa, but there was much more that was immediately familiar.

I was back.

—–

Situated on the Great North Road to Zimbabwe, Polokwane is in the heart of South Africa’s Limpopo Province. Formerly known as Pietersburg, the town was renamed Polokwane after the fall of apartheid, when many geographic names with a colonial history were changed.

Today, Polokwane is the capital of the Limpopo province and boasts a bustling population of more than half a million people. When South Africa hosted the 2010 FIFA World Cup, it literally put Polokwane on the map: Peter Mokaba Stadium was built in Polokwane to host part of the tournament, one of five new stadiums built across the country to support the World Cup.

Before the Peter Mokaba Stadium came to town, the primary attraction in Polokwane was the Polokwane Game Reserve. Owned and operated by the provincial governing authority of the Limpopo province, it is one of the largest municipal game reserves in South Africa. Featuring a beautiful mix of grassland, acacia woodland, rocky outcrops, and open savannah, it is a completely fenced, carefully managed game sanctuary. It preserves one of the only remaining examples of the Pietersburg Plateau false grassland, a localized ecotone that is home to a number of rare birds and plants. The carefully selected combination of animal species in the reserve were free to roam anywhere they wanted on its 13 square miles of territory, but no further.

Compared to the Tuli Wilderness, the Polokwane Game Reserve is not a wild place; with no predators present on the property, it is a heavily managed, almost manufactured big game experience. But that’s not to say it has no value. It plays a vital role in conservation, preservation, and education.

The Polokwane Game Reserve was the polar opposite of what I would be walking in to in the Tuli Wilderness less than 24 hours later. But for many people living in modern Africa, it was as close as they were going to get to real, wild Africa; Polokwane Game Reserve was the New Wild.

For me, it would be my only chance to see a rhinoceros in the wild on this trip.

—–

Lisa, my guide for the day in the Polokwane Game Reserve, picked me up at my hotel a little after 8 a.m. We drove in her pickup truck to a location just outside of the reserve where we switched into her Land Rover. I was the only one on the tour with her that day. “I normally don’t do tours for less than six people,” she said. “But you booked so far in advance, I decided to go ahead and take you.” And just like that, for less than the price of a tank of gas back home, my simple little group safari had become a totally private tour.

The drive through the streets of Polokwane brought back so many memories of my youth…there’s just something about driving around South Africa; it has a unique feel to it that’s just impossible to describe. Or maybe it’s just unique to me because I lived there at a formative time of my life.

We drove by the massive new Peter Mokaba Stadium. It was stunning, but it seemed like such a waste—similar to the Olympics, where a country spends a lot of money they can’t really afford on massive sporting infrastructure improvements to impress the world, then when the event is over most of the new infrastructure falls into disuse and becomes a blight on the community. I wondered if this massive new stadium, plopped down seemingly in the middle of nowhere, ever got used now that the World Cup had come and gone.

Upon entering Polokwane Game Reserve, the first wildlife we saw was an ostrich. Soon after, it became quickly apparent to me that Lisa has a lot going on. In addition to guiding safaris in her Land Rover, she has 23 horses and takes people on horseback riding safaris and tours; she also stables horses for other people; she has at least one rental unit in town; she runs a custom clothing business; she helps her husband with his environmental consulting business; and who knows what else. She was a true entrepreneur.

I was amazed at how Lisa was able to drive her Land Rover down rutted dirt roads with one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand on her Blackberry, scanning the bush for wildlife while talking, texting, checking her emails, or surfing the web on her smart phone. She’s what I would call a hustler, but in no derogatory sense of the word; she was scratching out an existence here and there, doing this and that, all to make ends meet. And rich or poor, white or black, urban or rural, I increasingly got the sense that this was the way that most people here survived; that in modern Africa, most everyone was a hustler. At least the successful ones were.

Partway through our mini safari, Lisa stopped the vehicle in front of a large, beautiful tree with two huge male kudu standing underneath it. But the kudu were just a coincidence—it was the tree she had stopped to tell me about. It was a marula tree, which produces a fruit little-known outside of South Africa that is used to make a wonderful, creamy liquor called Amarula. The seeds of the fruit are also ground up and release an oil that is used for beauty products. But I actually heard very little of what she was saying, as I was completely overcome by an amazing fragrant smell wafting through my nostrils.

“That smell,” I interrupted her, “…is that the marula tree?”

“No,” she said, “I think what you’re smelling is Salvia africana-caerulea.”

She jumped out and broke a small branch off of a nearby bush and handed it to me.

“Is that what you smelled?”

Yes, it was. It was South African sage. It was unlike the coastal sage, mountain sage, Mexican sage, and other sages I was so used to in California. This had a completely different smell to it. It took me a few minutes to realize, but I completely recognized the smell and it began to trigger memories of my adolescence in South Africa. It was something I had experienced in my wanderings through the bush in the vacant lots and other open spaces near where we used to live. It’s amazing how something as innocuous as a small sprig of leaves and flowers from a bush can almost instantly transport the mind back in time some 35 years…

—–

Lisa was a big proponent of what I like to call “managed ecosystems,” the Polokwane Game Reserve being a perfect example. Because the animals are protected (from humans, as well as from natural predators—there were no carnivores in the reserve), from time to time it becomes necessary to cull the herds in order to keep the population of animals at a sustainable level. In the Polokwane Game Reserve, instead of (directly) killing animals, their preferred method of management involves capturing surplus animals and legally selling them at auction. The animals are then purchased for relocation to private farms or game reserves, some of which may allow hunting, as well as for public game reserves and parks, zoos, etc.

I told Lisa about my upcoming trip to Botswana, and she was very familiar with the Tuli Block and the Northern Tuli Game Reserve. Five or six years prior, she had worked in the eastern section of the Tuli block, where the Shashe and Limpopo Rivers converge and where the borders of Zimbabwe, Botswana, and South Africa meet. She also leads safaris up there from time to time, and had just returned from one about three weeks earlier. She spoke of the extensive damage there from the recent floods, the most devastating of which may have been the removal of the topsoil from the landscape, as well as the destruction of much of the mature tree canopy along the Limpopo River corridor.

She went on at length about the elephant “problem” in the Tuli, and said that going back now, even after just five or six years, the change was dramatic—the Tuli area had become much more desolate looking, almost like a desert in spots, because of the elephants destroying the mopane trees. I asked her what had caused the dramatic increase in the elephant population in recent years—was it due to the lack of predation caused by the elimination of many of the predators in the area? She replied that carnivores really don’t predate on elephants, except maybe on the very young or the very weak; no, the elephant population was not actually increasing, it was just that increased development throughout southern Africa meant that there was less natural area for them to forage for food. Their historic range has been heavily compromised by the encroachment of man. To make matters worse, in a move to establish a large trans-boundary park/reserve system, fences have been removed, which brings more elephants from the outside into the area.

Lisa is what I like to call a “true” environmentalist; like me, she believes that sometimes unpopular solutions are the best answer to vexing environmental problems. For example, sometimes you need to kill wild animals to help preserve a wild ecosystem live. She talked about how many so-called environmentalists want to protect and save animals at any cost, no matter how impractical, or how in the long term it very well could result in destroying an entire ecosystem.

In addition to the direct ecosystem benefits of culling, we also talked about more benefits to the local community. If carefully managed and controlled hunting is allowed in the form of culling, it can actually be an economic boon to the local community. The skin of the animal can be used to make clothing and shelter and for a variety of other purposes; the meat can be used to feed poor people; and in the case of elephants, you could even sell the ivory (if it wasn’t illegal) and pour all of that money back in to the local community. Lisa’s views were certain to be unpopular with the majority of people who refer to themselves as “environmentalists.”

—–

Because of its proximity to such a large urban population, I asked Lisa if poaching was a problem in the Polokwane Game Reserve. She told me a story about how a few months earlier she had been leading a safari through the reserve on horseback when they came across a female rhinoceros with a tranquilizer dart stuck in her hind quarters. The dart had not fully penetrated the skin, so the tranquilizer had not taken effect. Lisa immediately used her cell phone to call the local authorities, who immediately sent out helicopters to search for the poachers. They never found the poachers, but a week or two later they found the carcass of a male rhino in the reserve that had been poached for its horn.

Before that incident, the rhinoceros population in the Polokwane Game Reserve had been 15; it was now down to 14. And, she told me, the day before our safari, in a different reserve about 30 miles west of Polokwane, authorities had found two more poached rhinos. The killing of rhinos for their horns has always been a problem in southern Africa, but in the last year or two it had escalated and was now reaching a level which was unimaginable.

She said that arresting one poacher is not the answer to the poaching problem; as soon as you arrest one, there are 5,000 more waiting in line to take his place. She sees the mafia as the real problem, and the solution is taking down the organized crime kingpins, not the individual poachers.

I disagree. I think the real problem is poverty, which is why people kill rhinos for their horns. As Jane Goodall says in her TACARE program, “to take care of the animals, you must first take care of the people.” If the people are not taken care of, they are going to use any method possible to take care of themselves—even if that means poaching an endangered animal

After giving me some rough estimates of what various species of game animals would sell for at a legal auction, Lisa noted that the value of a rhino is next to nothing because they are such a huge liability to own. She sees legalizing the sale of rhinoceros horns to be a solution—taking them off of the black market and instead regulating the legal sale of the horns so that there is a financial incentive for ranchers to buy and breed rhinos, and to harvest their horns without killing the animals.

In general I agree with this idea, but would take it even further than that: using genetic engineering techniques, we should work to isolate the DNA for rhinoceros horn, and then create a hybrid rhino/cow that can be raised for milk and when it is mature can be slaughtered for its meat and horn—and then watch how quickly the world market for rhino horn collapses. While we’re at it, let’s also isolate the DNA for elephant ivory as well, and then create a hybrid cow with rhino horns and elephant tusks. It’s an idea that may seem radical to some, but it’s an idea whose time has come.

While we were driving around the reserve, Lisa pointed out a strange tree that I had never seen nor heard of before. There are many species of aloe native to South Africa, the most familiar to inhabitants of the rest of the world being aloe vera, but the “tree aloe” (aloe barberae) grows to a height of 30 feet or more and looks like a palm tree, except that at the top where you would expect to see palm fronds, there is an aloe plant. The aloe trees of Polokwane Game Reserve are all mature, nearing the end of their natural life cycle, and no young ones are sprouting to take their place. Lisa’s theory is that the seeds were transported to the area and planted by the local inhabitants about 300 to 400 years ago, because you only find these plants in areas where there is also evidence of pre-colonial habitation.

—–

Polokwane Game Reserve is completely boxed in by human land uses. It’s surrounded by a silica mine, a platinum smelting plant, coal mining, rock quarrying, residential housing, and agricultural and other land uses. And as South Africa increasingly becomes a player in the global economy, these types of activities are increasing at an alarming rate, with little or no government planning, regulation, or oversight.

Near the end of our suburban safari, Lisa stopped the Land Rover and said we would finish by taking a hike up a nearby kopjie (an Afrikaans term for a hill covered with rocks). We walked through the remnants of stone walls and a large hut circle constructed by the Bushmen who lived here 300 to 400 years ago, and she said that little is known about these archaeological sites because no research or study of them has been done.

We walked along the trail towards the top of the hill, looking for animals, when I smelled smoke and saw movement out of the corner of my eye in the bush off to the right. It was a person, who looked like he was barbecuing and having a picnic. As we approached, I realized that this was in fact our lunch! Even though I was the only one on her safari that day, Lisa had still gone through the trouble of having her assistant come out hours earlier to start a fire and cook us a meal.

She introduced me to her assistant, Joffrey, who had prepared a delicious meal of brown rice, Malay chicken curry, carrots, green beans, and butternut squash over the open fire. We also ate a salad made from fresh vegetables Lisa had grown in her garden, some fresh bread, and cheese. We sat down to an elegant lunch in the bush, the midday heat cut to a manageable level by the large shade trees we sat under. Dessert was a delicious lemon tart that Lisa had made from scratch.

Over lunch I got to know Joffrey a little better. Joffrey was nearing the end of a 3-month internship working for Lisa, sponsored by the local college where he was studying tourism. After working with Lisa, he was now interested in continuing with his studies and focusing on conservation biology. He was a very nice, smart young man, and an excellent chef. I believe he has a great future in tourism, wildlife management, or whatever he ultimately chooses. He represents much of the future of Africa.

On our short trek back to the Land Rover, Lisa pointed out an aardvark den in the middle of the trail, but the aardvark was nowhere to be seen as they are usually only active at night.

As the day progressed, it got increasingly hot under the harsh African sun. The only thing that made it bearable was an occasional breeze, and the canvas canopy over the top of Lisa’s open Land Rover. Most of the animals were hiding in the shade themselves now, so by the end of our safari we were seeing almost nothing.

On the drive back to my hotel, I noticed a huge crowd filling Peter Mokaba Stadium. I don’t know exactly what they were there for, but it was good to see the place packed almost three years after the end of the World Cup, in the middle of the week. Ironically, at the nearby Polokwane Game Reserve, weekends can get quite busy, but weekdays can be practically empty. Lisa and I were the only two people I saw that Tuesday in the reserve. South Africans love their animals, but apparently they love their sport even more.

In the end, although we never saw any of the 14 elusive white rhino that day, we saw quite an impressive array of wildlife in the reserve, including ostrich, waterbuck, impala, duiker, kudu, zebra, blesbok, sable antelope, red hartebeest, tsessebe, blue wildebeest, giraffe, springbok, vervet monkey, a leopard tortoise, and countless birds. Even more important than the animals I saw that day was the experience of the place—a carefully managed yet still intriguing game park, the polar opposite of what I was about to see in the Tuli Wilderness, and the company of a fine guide who made it personal.

—–

This story is an excerpt from Back to the Bundu [ Paperback | Kindle | NOOK | iPad ].  You can also view my Flickr gallery of photographs from this adventure.

I Might Have Killed a Man Yesterday…

It was Martin Luther King Day.  I had the day off work.  Even though Geoff and I did a 13.2 mile ride with almost 2,400 feet of gain just two days prior, I wanted to try to do the entire upper section of the Santa Ana River Trail (SART) bike path on my road bike today–39.1 miles–by myself.

At the parking lot behind the Hall of Records in San Bernardino, there was only one other car there before me.  I started getting ready just as the other guy was ready to go.  Good, I thought, I want to be alone…

The guy rides up to me and says “mind if I follow you and try to keep up?”  He’s got a $2,000 Fuji, I’ve got a $282 C.A.R.B. (cheap-ass road bike).  “I’m pretty slow,” I said, “but sure.”

Five minutes later I’m all situated and we take off.  As we slowly started off, we exchanged pleasantries and introduced ourselves.  He’s 70, retired.  He doesn’t look or act 70.  Not even close.

—–

He likes to play a little game: he says he’s going to try to catch some people in front of us, and off we go.  After a minute or two, I hear a “clunk”…something has fallen out of my backpack.  So I stop, turn around, pick up my stuff, then turn back towards him and spend a few tough minutes cranking like hell to catch up.   As if that wasn’t bad enough–it happened twice!  At a coupe points I almost just turned around and went back to the car, but I stuck with it.  And I vowed to buy a better cycling backpack online as soon as I got home.

He tells me how there was a 20-something year old wunderkid out on the SART recently that he hooked up with; the kid was really strong and had a really expensive bike, but my new friend was able to keep up with the kid and was really proud of that.  So at about mile 5 I make a move out front, taking the lead on a mile-plus long straightaway, crank it up at least a couple notches, and tuck down tight on my aerobars.

He struggled to keep up for about a minute, then I dropped him.  Ended up stopping and waiting for him a couple miles down the trail.

—–

My new friend hates climbing.  I’m a mountain biker and live to climb, so my challenge to myself was to try to climb the few and far between steeps on this section of the SART in the big ring.  This plan worked great until about 14 miles along, when I had to shift for the first time.  It was a killer hill and I waited at the top for about 2-3 minutes for him to catch up.

We made it to the 19 mile turnaround in Corona in 1:19.  That’s half the time it took me last time, when I was on a bulky MTB following behind someone on a recumbent trike.

About a half hour later, cruising along on a straightaway and chatting, he told me that on that one big climb around mile 14 he felt sharp pain in his left arm, under the armpit.  This is a guy who worked 40 years in the medical field and is VERY in tune with his body.  He was very concerned about this.

I let my new friend set the pace for about two thirds of the ride, in no real hurry to get back.  A couple times I took the lead and cranked it up one notch, not even tucking down on the aerobars or anything.  He kept up with me for a while, then dropped with some huffing and puffing.  Each time I slowed until he caught up, and he complained that his inner thighs were hurting like never before.  At one point I slowed until he caught up and said he’d meet me at the picnic table about a mile up.  I waited for him for a few minutes and he arrived, complaining even more about the pain between his legs.

“I’ve slowed you down enough,” he said.  “You go ahead.”

We shook hands, and I said “I’m sure I’ll see you again out here.”

—–

Despite going slower than originally planned because of my new sidekick, not to mention having to turn around twice to pick up things that fell out of my backpack, I had a very good day out on the river trail. Finally on my own, in the zone, feeling no pain, I was able to totally let loose.  Maybe it was frustration; maybe it was the ~34 mile “warm up ride”; but I flew past a whole “team” of road racers wearing matching uniforms that undoubtedly cost more than my bike. It was surreal.

I arrived back at the parking too quickly so kept going up to the end of the trail, turned around, rode down past the parking lot again, and then turned around about .6 mile past the parking lot then turned around and went back to the car.  Why?  I wanted to get at least 40 miles on the GPS, and ended up with 40.3, this being the second longest ride I’ve ever done.

Pulling in to the parking lot (2:38 moving time for 40.3 miles!, I saw my new friend over by his truck, kind of hunched over, a woman cyclist talking to him.  I rode over to check on him.

“I’m really dizzy” he says.  “This usually only last a few seconds, but it’s not stopping.”

“You might be dehydrated,” I say.

I tell him to sit down and drink something.  He gets in his truck and drinks some liquid.

“I’m going to go load up then I’ll come right back and check on you.”

A few minutes later, right as I’m done situating myself and am about to walk over and check on him, he drives up, rolls down the window, tells me he’s feeling much better, thanks me profusely, and we say we’ll probably see each other again out there.

—–

I just wanted to go have a nice quiet 40 miles by myself.  I keep asking myself, did you almost kill a man today?  Then I  keep telling myself, hey man, you were minding your own fucking business, it was his idea to follow along…

Trail drama.  I miss my mountain bike already.

The Great Road Bike Experiment

Even though my first spin on a mountain bike occurred at the ripe old age of 25, let me make one thing clear: I’ve always been a mountain biker.  Oh, there were several other bikes in my life before I bought my first cheap, heavy mountain bike back in 1987.  There were several models of the Schwinn Stingray (or cheaper knock-offs).  And then there was my final bike before adulthood: a cheap, ugly, dark brown, Sears-brand ten-speed, back when easy cycling for the masses for some odd reason mimicked European road racing.  But even though I put thousands of miles on that wannabe road bike, I was never a road biker.

If you take away two things from the above paragraph, they should be:

  • “I’ve always been a mountain biker.”
  • Repeated use of the word “cheap”.

So how, at age 51, did I end up with a road bike?  It was only after great internal struggle.  In the end, I sold my soul to the devil for a cheap-ass road bike (hereafter referred to as “C.A.R.B.”) and embarked on The Great Road Bike Experiment of 2013.

—–

There’s danger on roads.  When I hear about friends and friends of friends who are road or mountain bikers getting seriously injured or killed, there is a common thread amongst all the horror stories: they were all out riding n the roads.

For a short time, I road my mountain bike to work.  6.5 miles down hill in the morning, then a 6.5 mile grind uphill after work.  It wasn’t a lot of miles, but an interesting thing happened: after doing it for about 10 days, my pants started to fall off if I wasn’t wearing a belt.  Biking to work was good for me, and good for the environment.

My magical weight loss & earth-saving program was short-lived.   I quickly realized how dangerous it was out there on the roads.  The last straw came while driving my car to work one morning and seeing a coworker sitting on the side of the road, being attended to by paramedics, blood gushing from large gashes on his face, his mangled bike lying next to him.  Cars – 1, Bikes – 0.

Almost two decades later, with even more cars on the road, the last thing on my mind was road biking.  But my friend Mike found a way to make it work: the river trails.  In Southern California, we have a series of paved bike paths that follow along channelized rivers such as the Los Angeles River, the San Gabriel River, and the Santa Ana River.  They let you stay off roads but still get your road bike thing on.  The only thing Mike ever has to worry about is dodging homeless people/meth addicts/gang bangers, and an occasional run-in with overzealous members of the law enforcement community.  But any of those potential hazards is a better option that being plowed into the pavement by a 12-ton SUV piloted by a soccer mom on her cell phone.

—–

Clem and I had only ridden together a few times over the years–in fact, we rode our mountain bikes together on what had until recently been my longest ride, a 21-mile grind at elevation in the Eastern Sierra.  As time progressed, Clem was looking for a more user-friendly bike to accommodate his, how shall I say this, “decreasingly youthful” body.  He retired his trusty Marin full suspension mountain bike and settled on a recumbent trike.

A recumbent.  All I could think of was this George Carlin quote:

“What’s with these recumbent bicycles? Listen, buddy, if you wanna take a nap, lie down. If you wanna ride a bike, buy a f#*%^* bicycle!”

Clem wanted to test his recumbent on the Santa Ana River Trail (SART) and hooked up with a couple of recumbent riders.  He invited me along.  I was reluctant, as it wasn’t really  my thing.  But I went along for the ride–on my 29er mountain bike with a knobby 2.4 inch tire on the front and an almost-as-knobby 2.2 inch tire on the back.  Not exactly the ideal setup for long, easy miles on pavement.  But it’s what I had.

—–

“On your left!”

We heard that a lot that day, as we rode from Corona north to San Bernardino, then turned around and went back to Corona.  After 39.1 miles and a little under five hours of slowly plodding along the trail, we were done.  It was the longest ride I had ever done in my life, but far from the most strenuous.  More than anything, my ass was sore.  Five hours is a long time to be sitting on a skinny little bike seat, no mater how “ergonomic” and “prostate-friendly” it is.

A couple months later, Clem invited me once again, this time to do the lower section of the Santa Ana River Trail from Yorba Linda to Huntington Beach.  We stopped for a nice lunch in Newport Beach, then headed back, completing the 45 miles in 5 hours and 10 minutes.  My ass was once again sore, and that night I had dreams of a lycra-clad army chanting “On your left!” as they marched their way to the sea.

What, I imagined, must it be like to fly down the river trail on skinny tires?  With my mountain bike-trained leg muscles, could I possibly keep up with these guys and gals?  The curiosity was killing me.

Also, at 51 I was still mountain biking.  Would I be able to continue until 60?  65?  70?  At some point, it seemed that mountain biking would be less feasible.  The what?  Retire to the couch and a sedentary lifestyle of a large gut and clogged arteries?  Or might road biking on the river trails possibly a future phase of my active lifestyle?

So I took the plunge.  I ordered my C.A.R.B.

—–

The idea behind the C.A.R.B. was that I didn’t want to spend a lot of money on something that I might give up quickly.  I knew too many people who had decided on a whim that they wanted to try something new, dropped thousands of dollars to gear up, and quickly realized it wasn’t for them.  Better to lose a hundred or so dollars on a failed experiment that thousands.

The C.A.R.B. arrived on December 4th, just three days after ordering it–and a full week before I expected it.  After assembling it, I added a water bottle cage, an underseat pack to hold my tools and a spare tube, better (and even thinner) tires, strapless toe clips (because I’m old school like that), slime tubes (because I’m a mountain biker), and aerobars/triathalon bars (because, in the words of Ricky Bobby, “I wanna go fast.”).

2013-12-24 Highland - Bike

The C.A.R.B., in all it’s glory.

Total investment: about $400.  If the experiment turned out to be a failure, I could sell the bike for at least a couple hundred, or as my son said, just give it to a friend who needs a bike and be happy with that.

I’d give the experiment a month, then decide if this was something that was going to be part of my life, or if some luck friend would be the recipient of an almost-new bike.


First Ride

After assembling my C.A.R.B. and installing the modest upgrades, I was ready to take it for a spin.  Just a short one around the block, to see what this was all about.  And I almost didn’t make it out of the driveway.

I mounted the skinny little excuse for a bike and started to roll down the driveway.  After just a few feet, I turned the handlebars hard right to steer into the street.  The handlebars went right.  And the front tire stayed straight.

Ah, yes, I had neglected to tighten the stem while assembling and tuning the bike.

Idiot.

Luckily I wasn’t traveling too fast, and was able to jump off the bike, pull out an Allen wrench, tighten the stem, and get back on the road in less than a minute.

Then the real fun began.

The skinny tires and lack of any suspension meant that every little bump, crack, or pebble was jarring.  Incredibly uncomfortable compared to fat mountain bike tires with suspension.  On the road bike I really had to spend a lot more time looking for and avoiding micro-sized imperfections, whereas on the mountain bike I just had to be aware of the larger obstacles.

Oh, and the brakes: they totally sucked.  Guess I was spoiled by my hydraulic discs.


Second Ride

A few days later, after a few adjustments, I set out on my second ride  It was still a “shakedown” ride, but I wanted to actually put a few miles on the C.A.R.B.  I headed down the dedicated bike lanes over to Cloverhill, a steep pavement climb that really tested me on my bulky mountain bikes, and pretty easily set a new Personal Record on the climb–which was completely unexpected given the gearing on the C.A.R.B.

Turning to head down the steep road I had just climbed, I quickly became terrified.  These skinny little pieces of rubber, less than an inch across, seemed like a death which compared to what I was used to.  And my maximum speed was only 26.2 miles per hour.

In the end, the ride was just 5.3 miles total, with about 650 feet f elevation gain.  But the shakedown was now complete.  Time for something a little longer.


Third Ride

I decided to head back up the Coverhill climb to push really hard and set a new Personal record–which I did, but just by a few seconds–then headed down to Greenspot road to ride the dedicated bike lanes where many road bikers train.  I turned around where the bike lane runs out.  Coasting fast downhill on the glory ride home, two cross-fitters were jogging in the bike lane.  I looked behind me and a car was coming, but it was far enough back that there was enough time for me to swerve around the selfish crossfitters.  Between the traffic and the people, my brain forgot to keep a close eye on the road surface, and suddenly, BANG!  Flop flop flop. Less that 15 miles on the bike, and I had already completely destroyed it in a pothole.

Pulling over to the sidewalk, I saw the the tire was flat, but there was no damage to the rim (or anything else).  As I took apart the bike to patch the flat, it started to rain lightly.  I fixed everything as fast as I could, which was hard with frozen fingers on an unfamiliar bike, then pumped up the tire and it held.  Off again quickly, and a half mile later, flop flop flop…the patch had not held.  Pumped it up again quickly, ad this time made it only about 100 yards before the flop flop flop signaled total failure.

As I contemplated taking it apart and trying another patch, it started to rain harder.  I gave up.  I ended up walking the bike home the last half mile rather than try to patch the tube again in the rain.  I got home tired, wet, exhausted, and pretty frustrated with the whole road riding experience.  It was finitely one of the low points of my long, relatively hassle-free biking career. But I did manage to ride 10 miles with almost 1,100 feet of elevation gain.  Not a bad ride, all things considered.


Fourth Ride

A few days later, after fixing the double puncture from the pinch flat (correctly this time), I was finally ready.  Time to get off the damn roads and use the C.A.R.B. for its intended purpose–long rides on the river trail.

Unfamiliar with the best place to start on the north end of the Santa Ana River Trail, I went commando and parked illegally in front of a business near where the trail intersects Mt. Vernon Avenue.  Other than that inconvenience, it was a good ride of 20.6 miles–uneventful, thankfully, and most notable for what I didn’t hear once in 20.6 miles:

“On your left!”


Fifth Ride

After working a little bit on the brake lever positioning on the C.A.R.B., I headed back to the Santa Ana River Trail for a a lightly longer, but faster ride.

The first 10 miles flew by, in 33:30.  That’s 3:33 minute miles.  In a one mile stretch my GPS analysis shows that I averaged 19.3 mph.  I was pretty happy with that.

It was all going great until about 8.5 miles in, when the wind started.  Then at about 12 miles in I passed a controlled burn on the side of the trail.  With my asthma, smoke does to my lungs.  This wasn’t looking good.

When I finally turned around, the wind was worse, but it had effectively dissipated most of the smoke.  So I just hunkered down and got it done.  The last 5 miles was a little painful.

Twice I hit detritus on the trail pretty hard and thought “here we go, a blowout”.  But nothing ever came of it.

In the end, I covered 27.3 miles in about 1 hour and 45 minutes.  Even without the wind, I would have been very happy with that time.

The highlight/lowlight of the entire ride?  Out on my ride yesterday morning, down along the river trail where the homeless drug addicts roam, a homeless drug addict was calling her dog:
“Needles! Come here Needles! Come on boy! Come here Needles!”

You just can’t make this shit up.


Sixth Ride

After two weekend shakedown rides on the Santa Ana River Trail, it was time to see if I could work some quick mid-week rides into my work schedule.

We have a small but nice gym here at work.  I used it quite a bit many years ago, but eventually stopped because I’d rather be outside…

But they have showers there.

I got to work early, put in a few hours, then headed over to the gym to change on the way to the bike trail.  Opening the bag with my riding clothes, I quickly realized that I had made a fatal error–I had forgotten my riding pants!  Shit!  Intent on salvaging the ride, I put on my bike jersey and shoes, along with my faded blue jeans.  Yes, I looked like a moron, but whatever.
Other than my near-fatal fashion faux pas, the ride was pretty uneventful–8.6 miles south down to Riverside, then turned around and came back for a total of 17.3 miles in about 1:05.  After a little more tweaking, the brake/handlebar position seemed so much better, almost optimal.
Drove back to work, took a shower, then drove over to a Mexican place and grabbed a seafood burrito, and came back to work.
So this mid-day riding thing can work.  Just have to remember my pants next time…


The Future…?

After a little over 80 miles on the C.A.R.B, I’m finally starting to get the hang of it. It’s not what I would call “fun”–not at all, at least compared to mountain biking.  But it sure as hell  beats sitting on the couch eating doughnuts and watching Jerry Springer.  After all, it gets me some exercise outside–not in pristine wilderness, but in the sun.  And it’s definitely making me a stronger mountain biker.

I don’t know how long this fad will last.  Will I give it up in a few months, or take the plunge and upgrade to a much better bike?

Only time and a few hundred more miles will tell.  But one thing’s for certain:

I’m still a mountain biker.

Always have been.

Always will be.

Thank you, C.A.R.B.

You’re teaching me a lot.

P.S. Your brakes still suck.